She
is there ... among my earliest memories. Although I didn’t know exactly what she was. A
friend? Ally? Fellow conspirator? All of those at one time or the other. I
sought her companionship, but it was elusive. She was always there, dancing
ahead of me … ephemeral … just out of reach. Tempting, taunting, giving, denying.
Such a tease. She often withheld things I was impatient to have. But she usually
delivered them in her own good time. She was extraordinarily important to
me in my childhood and youth – perhaps even my early adulthood … leading the
way to the future.
I’m
not sure when she changed. Looking back on it, I think the conversion must have
been gradual, subtle. She picked up her pace, forcing me to rush after her. Things
seemed to speed up as the years tolled. I didn’t mind. Life was happening.
“Real” life, not “Preparation” life, like waiting to be old enough to go to
school, itching for classes to end, hungering for graduation, eager for the
first career job. No, I mean the real life of going to work, seeking promotion,
finding the right life-mate, building a family, and settling in for the long
haul. Somehow, my childhood muse no longer seemed so immediate … and let’s be
frank … so important. Maybe that was what changed her.
Now,
I sense her once again drawing near. Yet, there is a difference. I perceive not
the laughing, amiable countenance of yesteryear, but a threatening scowl and grasping
fingers. Claws, really. She grows menacing. Instead of leading, she
pursues me from behind. Uncomfortable. Frightening, even. Enough so that I pick
up the pace to stay free of her clutches.
When
did she become a beast, an ogre, a fearsome creature to inspire terror? I don’t
know. Will I ever seek her embrace again? Same answer … I don’t know.
Perhaps
you do. If so, please tell me.
You
see, the beast’s name is Time.
That’s
it for this week. Thanks for reading, and let me hear from you.
Don
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