dontravis.com
blog post #363
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Not
much comment these last two weeks on Dooper and Dangle, but there sure were a
lot of hits. Surprisingly, viewers from Hong Kong were the most numerous,
followed by Russia, the US, and the Ukraine. Curious, huh?
As
some readers know, I co-teach a free creative writing class called Wordwrights every
Monday at Albuquerque’s North Domingo Baca Multigenerational Center. Our
members are published writers, beginning writers, people considering taking up
writing, and individuals who just like to be around writers. We are novelists,
short story writers, memoirists, poets, essayists, and whatever else you can
dream up. The class is open, so members attend when they wish and skip when
something gets in the way. We usually have between 17 and 25 in attendance at
any given meeting.
The
class spends the first thirty minutes listening to my co-mentor discuss writing
techniques, writing rules, and writers who have caught his attention, after
which various members of the group read a 1,000-word passage from their
own work. The class then comments on the reading, suggesting where it works and
where it misses the boat. We have some excellent writers, and it is heartening
to note improvements when they show up.
One
thing I have noticed is that many writers neglect to include the five principal
sensory perceptions in the writing. Otherwise good passages can be immeasurably
improved by letting your characters hear, touch, see, smell, and taste. By doing
so, you allow your reader to share these sensations.
By
way of example, I would like to include a revised passage from the book River
Otter, an erotic historical novel written by my fellow Okie, Mark Wildyr.
The time period is the 1860’s, setting is Dakota Territory, and the individual
concerned is a Yanube Indian (mythical Siouan tribe) known as River Otter by
his tribesmen and Joseph Strobaw by the whites. In the following short scene,
Otter, who has been educated by the legendary Red Wintay (Billy Strobaw to the European
community), is leaving his home at Teacher’s Mead to meet Major James Morrow, a
friend of Billy’s, to help establish a farm on Turtle Crick. Otter arrives
before James and prepares for the night. Earlier that day, Otter defended himself
and his kin by killing a white marauder.
*****
Excerpt from
RIVER OTTER
By Mark Wildyr
I was tired. It had been a long, demanding
day. The shooting of a human being took its toll on any caring, feeling man,
and I considered myself to be of a sympathetic nature. I picketed the two
horses on opposite sides of camp to double the chances of detecting unwelcome
visitors. Patch was trained to give warning of predators. The mare was a shadow
jumper. The sound of a small creature moving in the nearby brush drew the
attention of both horses. I eased tensed muscles as they resumed grazing.
After settling on the coarse blankets of
my bedroll, I breathed a silent song to the Great Mystery. The spread of the
heavens—shot through with glittering stars, both noble and mean—made a vast
dome of the black sky. I studied the Seven Persons, which Billy had called the
Big Dipper. A faint breeze cooled my face and carried the comforting rustle of
swaying boughs gently to my ear. The heavy fragrance of pines on the hummock—so
different from the scant perfume of cottonwoods along the crick bank—laid the
sharp taste of resin on my tongue, or so it seemed. I stilled my doubts, calmed
my breathing, and closed my eyes to slip away into sleep.
*****
While
this is a passive passage, not an action scene, we hear, see, taste, touch, and
smell the things that Otter does. Including the senses in the passage brings us
right along with Otter. This is a lesson writers—even seasoned authors—have to
learn over and over again.
The Voxlightner
Scandal was released lat Tuesday (the
19th). The following are buy links for the book”
Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-voxlightner-scandal-don-travis/1132632844?ean=9781640809260
Universal Link: https://books2read.com/u/4AxPDo
Now
my mantra: Keep on reading and keep on
writing. You have something to say, so say it!
My
personal links: (Note the change in the Email address because I’m still getting
remarks on the old dontravis21@gmail.com. PLEASE DON’T USE
THAT ONE.)
Facebook:
www.facebook.com/donald.travis.982
Twitter:
@dontravis3
Buy
links to Abaddon’s Locusts:
See
you next week.
Don
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